HELP ! ! !

When I was younger so much younger than today....!!!

I never needed anybody's help!... Well a little bit... ok ok... sometimes... But ok... I know i have abandoned this blog for a while... and yep today I'm writing in English my dearest!

I just felt it would be easier, as my life has been not so much Spanish lately, manly English and German... And yep even if it sound stupid or silly... i have forgotten some words in my own mother language!... and some of English! come on some words i even only know how to say them in German! Believe it or not!

5 Months I've been away from my hometown! We'll they say Home is where the heart lies right? So I do not really know where that is... You could say its divided, my life is here now, some of it anyways... my studies, my boyfriend and some of my friends... But back in Mexico I still have so much left! (Not clothes anyways... I got rid of most of them before coming here LOL!!! ) It is not like I have a life there, my studies (which is what I do, and per say what I am right now) are here ... but my closest friends, my family is back there were I once belonged...

But where do I belong now? Lately I've been feeling like losing my head and losing myself... I'm losing me here and losing me there... Sure I've outgrown myself, now I have finally have controlled myself when it comes to tests, hell yeah!... I had already two final tests... and well yes a bit nervous but not enough to make me forget things (come on let's face it, the time was so short that there was not place left for this! big LOL! )

So yes, life has been rough these weeks, I've been busy (as you have seen, no blog entry lately) ... Studying... and trying to find another place to live at... I'm oh so sick of coming home and having no one to talk to! No one at all, not even a little pet, not even at all!... But after looking around (and even almost braking some bones last week, i'll tell the story some other time) I've come to nothing... so I will have to live 6 more months in this tinny apartment.. FOREVER ALONE!...

People here sure are nice, but still I'm used to other culture, where you can relate to people much faster, human contact... both physically and emotionally, obtained after few hour of meeting someone.. sometimes anyway... I miss so many random and even not nice things about back in Mexico... I even miss people talking bad about me at my back, that meant I was important to them in some weird way perhaps... but here... NOTHING!!!... no one talks about me, good or bad things... No one here really cares about me, well... few people... I guess I'm used to be the center of attention, not here though here I'm just a normal girl, living a "normal" life ... well not really I think a better explanation of who I am here is this... I am F(x)=e^x yes... And either I integrate or not: ITS THE SAME SHIT!